1. |
teen angst
04:29
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it took panic attacks in margaritaville bathrooms
to realise i'm not how i used to be
crying into my jacket in tafe toilet stalls
yelling at the mirror to shut the fuck up
now i only smoke cigarettes
i only eat one meal a week
smoking weed just to keep me sane
i guess i'm just used to the pain
it took me reopening old scars
to realise i've seen better days
but i never thought i deserved any better
surely there's a reason loved ones leave
i like think that reason's me
i hate to see your instagram photos of you all having fun
because i'm at home hating myself and wishing i were dead
but i don't mean to be dramatic and maybe i'm just feeling sorry for myself
but is it not true you left without a reason or have i yet to discover one?
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2. |
whatever
02:33
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the corrupt and cursed
damaged and deranged
like a broken ceiling fan
or the flicker of dying lights
bare and boring
wont stop calling
i never needed to let you go
i needed to take blame; placebo
play these songs
and fight for whatever
whatever i guess
i don't even know
how low do you glow?
what more do you expect me to know?
get high and shut up
watch tv and shut the fuck up
i'm going to bed
so don't bother to knock
i'm cutting and crying
and sleeping in vomit
and cum stained blankets
i might never grow old
slap-stick
fight a jew
cut legs just regrew
stand tall
forget the war
smoke a stick
feel a little bit
slowly open the door
get out of here you whore
thoughts of you and gore
i just choose to ignore
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3. |
ghost stories
04:36
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I've had enough of your ghost stories
Lonely dinners with your parents
Constant obsession over things that don't matter
the thought of you makes me sick
How you can give up and let go
And find someone new to boss around
You cut your hair short
its not a good thing
you told me you love
More than anything
play with my emotions
So i don't feel anymore
Ill Do your bidding
Its not a good thing
the lies and the deceptions
You forced into my mouth
i only said what you wanted me to say
You broke every promise
with you i thought id never get better
I've had enough of your ghost stories
The lies your parents tell you
Has molded you into a curse
So don't try to change me
Like your parents changed you
Cause i thought id always love you
but we were a waste
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4. |
mothers ring
03:14
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you always felt like we did this before
you never left me so hang on to my mothers ring
i'm still waiting
ill always wait for you
glue your hands together never ever let me slip past you
i've never felt so bruised
i said pick one hurry up and choose
what felt like forever playing the blues
and he chose you
you always played fair
i was too selfish to every care
i guess ill stop waiting
waiting to get back with you
let your hands free my darling
let me slip past you
i've grown to feeling so bruised
i said fuck off get out of my room
now i see what i've done
i left you
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5. |
the depths
03:55
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how obscure i am
little do i repent
little awareness of
just how poor I’m coping
less and less relevant
than all the others
larger in length
but smaller in psych
please god i don’t want to die
save me from this hell
let me be happy
show me your light
cause lately
I’ve been lost in the depths of my own mind
sinner am i
after life driven fantasy
be a good boy
see your mum and dad again
bleeding i am
in the palms of my hands
hang me from your tallest crucifix
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6. |
stuck in the past
03:43
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I keep telling myself
You don't miss her
You miss being something with someone
But as much as i try
I fall back on old routines
Old habits and old addictions
So I cut my hair with scissors
So i sit up real real straight
As if to rid of old hard break
I keep telling myself
"It's been months now man"
but i still feel as empty as before
Is this a habit, an addiction, a routine?
Just don't fall back to her
We're bigger strangers than before
I'm beginning to feel bad
Feeling sorry for myself
Can i ever grow past this
souvenirs you left on dusty shelves
I guess ill play these songs
And cut my legs
Sit alone and wish for death
Because i was always meant to feel this sick
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7. |
christ
03:19
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i used to get high to feel happy
now i get high to feel anything
i used to feel like god was always watching
now i'm carving crucifixes into bus stop benches
i thought id cut my hair
and feel a little better
but now i feel exposed
and i cant seem to find a cause for all of this sadness
so i sit up and think of how no one really wonders
what i
i've been waiting for so long
to find answers to my questions
but there aren't answers
just more questions
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8. |
this love
03:50
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forget about me
and ill try not to think about you
you've moved on
but ill keeping holding on
it's not fair
that you're not there for me at all
just try to call
and i promise ill pick up
i never meant to keep this love
and you never meant to love at all
i never wanted this to end
but you never want to see me again
i hope you still think about me
i knew we were in too deep
you knew exactly what this would lead to
i didn't think it would leave me without you
ill play these songs about you and reminisce when i'm high and alone
i still wear your bracelet from time to time
ill never move past you nine
it hurts more knowing you see me like this
and continue to keep me in the dark
but that's fair enough i guess, i'm a mess
you promised to be there for me
i just want someone to care about me
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9. |
why did i leave?
02:27
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i'm not regretting anything
But why did i leave
i'm not sure i remember
Why did i leave
Did i fall out of love
Why did i leave
Was i scared of falling too deep
Why did she leave?
Was it the pictures on my wall
Why did she leave
Am just to scary
Why did she leave?
Could i ever believe
She just wasn't happy
I always knew shes cheat
I shouted i hate you and i hid away
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10. |
you don't deserve to...
02:26
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i'm glad that you're happy
i just dint think you'd be happy without me
but you found someone else to change and take control of
i'm glad that you're happy
but you don't deserve to be happy
messing with my head
playing these games making me depressed
for months
and so i moved on to finally make progress with my depression
and now in alone
more depressed than ever
and you're somehow still fucking happy
are you happy
with the way you treated me
are you happy
with the countless times you broke me down inside
are you happy
with the thought of never loving me again
cause i'm not happy
you don’t deserve to be happy
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11. |
be happy
03:27
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i never liked the baseball shape on your thigh
I never found the story of your scars interesting
I never enjoyed having dinner with your sisters
I never really could bring myself to love you
I never thought i would move on so soon
i guess i never thought someone could love me for so long
Tell me how much you love me
Cause i cant get enough
Show me sympathy
Feel sorry for me
Cause you know it gets me off
I never thought id guess your birthday every year
Never practised what you thought was right
Never thought that a blessing was something of a curse
I never really enjoyed anything you brought to "us"
Never did i think i could go on like this
Living life in my bedroom stoned and out of use
Unmotivated, depressed and ugly
Unwanted motives to take my fucking life
But i guess i never really ever wanted death
What i wanted was happiness but that was hard to get
So i sat myself down with the help of my friends
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12. |
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13. |
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14. |
||||
it took panic attacks in margaritaville bathrooms
to realise i'm not how i used to be
crying into my jacket in tafe toilet stalls
yelling at the mirror to shut the fuck up
now i only smoke cigarettes
i only eat one meal a week
smoking weed just to keep me sane
i guess i'm just used to the pain
it took me reopening old scars
to realise i've seen better days
but i never thought i deserved any better
surely there's a reason loved ones leave
i like think that reason's me
i hate to see your instagram photos of you all having fun
because i'm at home hating myself and wishing i were dead
but i don't mean to be dramatic and maybe i'm just feeling sorry for myself
but is it not true you left without a reason or have i yet to discover one?
|
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15. |
||||
completely submerged
in an echoing
of "oh god i miss her"
I'm not an artist
I'm an edgy teenager
I'm not even human
I'm a shell, I'm Michelle
you shouldn't cut but I smoke cigarettes
Im such a bad person but I don't want to die
you think you know me, I don't know me
but if you wanna smoke pot I'm down whenev
i have a low self esteem
but im a narcissist
i dontmake any sense
most of the time
most of the time
im looking for
things to do or places to fuck
fuck over everyone i love
you shouldn't cut but I smoke cigarettes
Im such a bad person but I don't want to die
you think you know me, I don't know me
but if you wanna smoke pot I'm down whenev
maybe i belong in a mental assylum
maybe i believe i dont have a specific curriculum
maybe I'm a meth head
maybe I'm a sadist
but I won't be the only one left behind the shrubs at the end
i shouldn't cut but I smoke cigarettes
Im such a bad person but I don't want to die
you think you know me, I don't know me
but if you wanna smoke pot I'm down whenev
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