1. |
everything i am
02:52
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i am an excerpt from your least favourite novel
i am the selfies you delete
i am the unworn clothes in your drawers
i am the reason you never tie your hair up
i am the rats under your stairs
i am your shoes that don't fit
i am the reason you always went home early
i am your tears in the bathroom during prom
i am your broken braces
i am your common cold
i am your late nights
i am your squeeky floor boards
i am the creek on your bedroom door
i am a scratched dvd of your favourite movie
I am a whisper
I am the hope
that we might just be friends
I may be all of these things
but I will never be the one to tell you I love you
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2. |
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wait
where are you going?
I thought we had something
now I'm nothing
left in old abandoned homes
plucking strings with broken bones
you said it so softly
like it was a song because it sounded so hummed
you thought it was lovely
we were so empty
place your hand on to my knee
tell me how you always loved me
pick up your things and leave bossley
and now I'm just lonely
reaching for nothing
closing the doors and all windows
hoping for change but also dreading this rage
wait
what are you doing?
we never had anything
now you're nothing
left in reconstructed homes
singing songs with cancered throats
bleeding out on your bathrobes
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3. |
hell
02:04
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I held your arms and I tore my skin
I wrote songs and you filled them in
I call and you never pick up
I think I've had enough
you always seem to tell me lies
that's alright
cause our love was one too
and I always seem to be fine
but I just leave the blood
I never meant to keep this love
hell I only wishes for
hell brought me back here
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4. |
anything
02:53
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panic attacked me last night
true love left my bed
cause our kiss never meant
anything
as sick as I could be
too dark to even see
I'll never be what he can be
anything
was it the picture of her on my wall?
was it my constant depression?
was it the nail polish on my drawers
was it me?
do you remember?
anything?
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5. |
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completely submerged
in an echoing
of "oh god i miss her"
I'm not an artist
I'm an edgy teenager
I'm not even human
I'm a shell, I'm Michelle
you shouldn't cut but I smoke cigarettes
Im such a bad person but I don't want to die
you think you know me, I don't know me
but if you wanna smoke pot I'm down whenev
i have a low self esteem
but im a narcissist
i dontmake any sense
most of the time
most of the time
im looking for
things to do or places to fuck
fuck over everyone i love
you shouldn't cut but I smoke cigarettes
Im such a bad person but I don't want to die
you think you know me, I don't know me
but if you wanna smoke pot I'm down whenev
maybe i belong in a mental assylum
maybe i believe i dont have a specific curriculum
maybe I'm a meth head
maybe I'm a sadist
but I won't be the only one left behind the shrubs at the end
i shouldn't cut but I smoke cigarettes
Im such a bad person but I don't want to die
you think you know me, I don't know me
but if you wanna smoke pot I'm down whenev
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6. |
mourning
02:12
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I am hollow
but I am clean
how do you know
all these people?
I said
she said
Michael, we were a waste
so I said yeah I guess
won't you hold me?
in the garage
at 5 am
because I miss you
but I don't need you
we can roll off the couch
and you can cry as we kiss
and say "I need you"
and I can say
yeah I guess
spend another high night alone
its 4 am and I still don't need you
clearly I'm doing just fine
clearly i m clean
clearly I don't cut
because clearly I am happy
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7. |
jervis bay
03:50
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hyper ventilated in the kitchen
in the house we fell in love with
its always early in the morning
there's still stains on the carpet
purple water flooded the beaches and the sun sat silent as the moon collided with the day
I can't stop crying in the kitchen
the house I fell in love with you in
its never darker on this night
theres still sharpie on the concrete
the jellyfish were rotting and the stone walls chipped and vanalised with pesticides
theres always sand and your brunette hair
in my white sheets
it seems to find me at mymost vulnerable times
our footprints have washed away forever
the purple water sucked up any memory of us
but I want to swim, so we can both drown
we will both drown
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8. |
insecure
05:52
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i can't sing with the door open
I need to not let life
bring me to routine
I can't even sing with the door open
could I even drag someone in to this life
to what my life is
to what I feel most days
because that's not healthy anyway
I'd like to think you're nothing without me
but truthfully you slept secretly
with him
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9. |
melancholy
02:26
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I fell out of love left with nothing
I lost all love for almost anything
there's no purple anymore
I left my friends in the water
the grey-scale faces, SELFIES, constructs
I just can't remember how to love anymore
now I'm stuck in teenage ways
smoking pot and fucking gays
i need sleep food and company
so maybe I won't feel so melancholy
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10. |
anything (acoustic)
02:38
|
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panic attacked me last night
true love left my bed
cause our kiss never meant
anything
as sick as I could be
too dark to even see
I'll never be what he can be
anything
was it the picture of her on my wall?
was it my constant depression?
was it the nail polish on my drawers
was it me?
do you remember?
anything?
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11. |
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i was never really there
never really welcome
would it matter if i were gone?
it doesn't seem so
do you still think about me?
do I ever pass your thoughts?
do I ever come up in conversation?
i was never really there
did you ever really care?
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12. |
insecure (slow raw demo)
05:30
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13. |
boyfriend (demo)
02:03
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i need to sleep so i can make sense of all the mess i've made
i've been up all night thinking about
everything she has ever done to me
i don't think she remembers me
do you remember me?
for Christmas i hope i can fuck you
so then i can break you and your fucking boyfriend up
i'm not alone
i have friends
but i don't know any of their numbers
i want to make out with all my friends
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